tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post1920416527624867952..comments2023-06-05T07:00:14.937-07:00Comments on Thirsty Still: Round 3, day 12: isolation and connectionAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08288935120774241198noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-47309600474666626142015-10-07T17:11:35.861-07:002015-10-07T17:11:35.861-07:00Thanks for answering, Anne. I took a look at Byron...Thanks for answering, Anne. I took a look at Byron Katie's work. It looks interesting, but it seems with that I would end up even more unsure than I am! It's not that I am stuck in one perspective. Rather, I can easily take up a number of perspectives and on any given day some are convincing and others are not. I'll think more about it, anyway. But it is this trying to get a grip on the world that I find challenging, not so much to control it as to figure out how to proceed. I really appreciate your comment! xoAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08288935120774241198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-40766388188461839852015-10-06T15:22:05.245-07:002015-10-06T15:22:05.245-07:00hmmm yes. I had given too much, but more in my hea...hmmm yes. I had given too much, but more in my head than in reality.<br /> My drinking began when my kids were small and I felt I should give them everything. That I no longer needed anything.<br />Slowly I began to feel resentful. Unappreciated. Unloved. I was critical of myself and because I was concerned about approval from others I did more and more.<br /><br />It turns out my husband was doing his share, but I just could not see it. But the last few years my head was filled with self criticism, fear and overwhelming guilt. Not that I had done anything specific. Just oversll distress.<br /><br />As for what is real...have you ever read Byron Katie? She has a few questions to ask when you are uncertain. Mainly -it this thought true? And am I arguing with reality? If so, that is the basis of sufferening. The inability to accept what is.<br /><br />The serenity prayer says it all. I just had to let go of control. Once I did, I could see I was gripping onto things so tightly I was smothering.Ainsobrietyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15642935819165465190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-80250224154216940162015-10-05T16:11:16.217-07:002015-10-05T16:11:16.217-07:00Hi Anne. Thanks for reading and commenting! As usu...Hi Anne. Thanks for reading and commenting! As usual, what you say makes me think. I'm not sure about the not paying attention to others part of things. I think I may have done the opposite--I think I somehow lost my ability to listen to myself in the noise of the world. So the disconnect is from others and also from me. Now that may not make sense, but I'm going to think about it! <br /><br />Here's a question for you, though: how do you know what's a "real thought" and what's not? I might sound sarcastic here, but I am deadly serious. It often seems to me that any of a number of things might be real, and figuring that out is something that I have always struggled with. It's probably the main reason I write. I don't know if you will be this. but if you do, I'd love to hear what you have to say about it.<br /><br />Thanks for being here. xoAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08288935120774241198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-89468513389767654952015-10-05T11:01:21.144-07:002015-10-05T11:01:21.144-07:00I think this makes a lot of sense.
My experience i...I think this makes a lot of sense.<br />My experience is that drinkers are so caught up in themselves that they aren't listening to anyone else. It is a self centred behaviour.<br /><br />I always felt disconnected from others. I thought I drank because of that. It turns out that drinking was actually part of the problem.<br /><br />When I start feeling disconnected no I am usually able to ask myself if that is a real thought. Most of the time it's not, it's the result of being tired or, most often for me, hungry.<br /><br />This is a special past. Than you for sharing your experience.Ainsobrietyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15642935819165465190noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-26644323241987380152015-09-30T11:24:27.232-07:002015-09-30T11:24:27.232-07:00Rebecca, yes, it does feel like a huge revelation....Rebecca, yes, it does feel like a huge revelation. I thought I had given up booze for good once already, but this seems deeper and more me than before. Much relief there, though I need to think it through so I don't lose it when I am (maybe temporarily) not feeling it anymore. Thanks for reading! xoxoAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08288935120774241198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-53360889927644621012015-09-30T11:22:55.636-07:002015-09-30T11:22:55.636-07:00Prim, thanks for the great analogy! It's fanta...Prim, thanks for the great analogy! It's fantastic, and made my hair stand on end. I don't know the novel (I will look it up). But what you're saying feels true. My first reaction was rage at the idea. And that reminded me of Marianne Faithfull singing Kurt Weil's "Pirate Jenny" and her rage, except she's planning to blow up the town, not the ship. So the story doesn't map on, but the anger does. (So here it is in case anyone wants to channel that anger! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7-XNVa5Gic Turns out on Youtube Ute Lemper's version comes next and that's pretty wonderful as well!) <br /><br />But I'm getting sidetracked. It's interesting to think of this as a societal tradeoff. It's a rough one, that's for sure. I think this summer I really, really wanted to just have normal life again and not have to deal with everything. That's sounds like self-pity. Maybe it is. But I am critical of so much about our society, so wanting to take up the alcohol experience uncritically, when I have ample evidence that it doesn't work for me, is a strange thing, and I'm still thinking about how complicit I have been in accepting some of the alcohol story even when I did give it up. Thanks for the great food for thought. xoxoAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08288935120774241198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-51338513664502757662015-09-30T00:09:50.059-07:002015-09-30T00:09:50.059-07:00Wow, it sounds like you had a huge revelation ... ...Wow, it sounds like you had a huge revelation ... yay you! And it's good I think to see patterns in our behavior -- it is a huge catalyst for change. As far as the "done drinking for good" thing, I think that for some of us, saying that -- making that choice -- can be a huge relief. Ms. Beccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06888981729413295412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-72752927932377803692015-09-30T00:05:58.305-07:002015-09-30T00:05:58.305-07:00Prim, that book sounds amazing and I love how you ...Prim, that book sounds amazing and I love how you draw that analogy. Wow. Literary chops, you have ;)Ms. Beccahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06888981729413295412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-63541347529515761612015-09-29T22:33:03.096-07:002015-09-29T22:33:03.096-07:00what you say about 'mistaking a life problem f...what you say about 'mistaking a life problem for a sobriety problem' - to me that sounds like an important revelation and one that could be useful to many people in a very wide variety of circumstances, so thank you for sharing that. <br /><br />have you ever read 'The King Must Die' by Mary Renault? it is a version of the life of the Greek mythological hero Theseus, and part of the novel describes the annual tribute of seven boys and seven girls paid by the city of Athens to their Cretan overlords. the tribute youths go to be trained as bull dancers, and an almost certain death in the bull ring.<br /><br />that's how I feel about the bargain our society has made with alcohol. as you describe above, for those who don't drink a great deal, there is a value to the social lubrication it initially provides. and for that (and for the economic value of profits and jobs, too) our society thinks that the sacrifice of a certain number of individuals every year is acceptable. <br /><br />the problem is that none of us want to accept that we have woken up one morning and found ourselves on the ship sailing out of Athens harbour. we want to be the ones still in our homes, not the ones paying the price. <br /><br />(by the way Theseus and his men and maidens escaped the bull ring, when an earthquake struck and the palace crumbled. they made it back to Athens, but found they were never quite the same as their stay-at-home brethren....) <br /><br />always good to read you - the blogspot blogs take a couple of days to come up on my feed so apologies for often being late in commenting! Prim xx<br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-48561891489117245332015-09-29T10:49:35.021-07:002015-09-29T10:49:35.021-07:00Hi Sherry. Thanks for this. Strange, isn't it,...Hi Sherry. Thanks for this. Strange, isn't it, how the exact same activity (drinking) becomes something different when it's interpreted differently. I'm no introvert--I'm that curious in-between person who sometimes needs people and sometimes needs to be alone--but I'm sure with you on trying to find out what works for yourself. Thanks for your kind words. I really appreciate them. xoAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08288935120774241198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-25328266625617890772015-09-29T10:46:46.443-07:002015-09-29T10:46:46.443-07:00Annie! How nice to hear from you. Glad t hear you&...Annie! How nice to hear from you. Glad t hear you're keeping on with it. I know what you mean about blogging--this summer when I was going back and forth regarding whether to quit again or not, I wasn't able to blog as I was too overwhelmed by what other people had to say and I couldn't even hear myself in that. Anyway, hello to you and thanks for the support! Sending support right back to you, too! xoAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08288935120774241198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-42892915285398605092015-09-29T10:44:18.220-07:002015-09-29T10:44:18.220-07:00Thanks, Kate. It's so lovely when someone read...Thanks, Kate. It's so lovely when someone reads and understands! xoAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08288935120774241198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-62359731234368685072015-09-29T09:26:22.388-07:002015-09-29T09:26:22.388-07:00This really is such a brilliant view of all that i...This really is such a brilliant view of all that is sobriety. I found that it helped (after a while of course) to think of what I was gaining vs. what I thought I was losing (that bonding thing). Of course later I saw (as you did) that the bonding thing was just drunk talk thinly veiled as bonding. It also helped to realize that I am an introvert. As soon as I allowed myself that privilege I was able to care for myself which led to a lot less running screaming from the world times. What a relief that was!<br /><br />As usual your ability to analyze what is going on inside is tremendous. Thank you for sharing it with us.<br /><br />SherrySoberMomWriteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04845259535764391849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-25892857036115704962015-09-29T01:43:51.149-07:002015-09-29T01:43:51.149-07:00Hello! I'm sorry I've closed my blog - I s...Hello! I'm sorry I've closed my blog - I saw that you'd tried to read it - but I'm still here, and am reaching out to you so say HELLO, and 12 days is brilliant, and that I really hear what you're saying here about isolation. I'm only on Day 5 (again) but I'm right behind you, and supporting you. Love Annie xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-60873750316588858012015-09-28T18:04:54.667-07:002015-09-28T18:04:54.667-07:00Love that analysis so much, and your comment Prude...Love that analysis so much, and your comment Prudence! Very wise, I know exactly what you mean. I still need to find that balance even when not drinking, but it is way easier to assess and do, then minimal recovery time from too much people and talk. Wonderful blog post XXMorganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14832954687136192645noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-28027113339040978942015-09-28T15:25:30.605-07:002015-09-28T15:25:30.605-07:00Prudence, thanks for your lovely comment. I love t...Prudence, thanks for your lovely comment. I love this about blogging--I say something that makes something clear to me and to someone else, and then a comment helps me right back. I didn't realize I was talking about patience--I famously have just about none! But you're right, accepting what's right for me and moving along with that and then being patient, that's the thing. Not sure how to do that, but I will pay attention to what you say about this in the next while, as I think you're onto something good here. Thanks for reading and commenting. Glad you're well. xoAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08288935120774241198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-40013411404390205052015-09-28T15:23:13.572-07:002015-09-28T15:23:13.572-07:00Hi Wendy. Yes, it's a balance, the alone time ...Hi Wendy. Yes, it's a balance, the alone time and the other time. Finding a tribe might be just the way to put it. Or several tribes! My academic world is my tribe in many ways, and I'm figuring out how that works with the tricky alcohol traditions. Maybe I need other in-person tribes, too. I'll think about that. Hugs to you, too! xoAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08288935120774241198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-23654470948767492022015-09-28T14:52:15.952-07:002015-09-28T14:52:15.952-07:00Wow! This is amazingly insightful and incredibly h...Wow! This is amazingly insightful and incredibly helpful to me. You have just helped my progress enormously. I think the answer is patience. If I wasn't on my stupid phone in a cafe I would say more. But you've just made it "click" for me, and I'm on the right course just by being patient. Of course our lives will change dramatically becoming sober, and it will take a long time and many situations before we are fully strong and confident and comfortable and happy being this real version of ourselves. Before we KNOW. It is starting to happen for me. It is grand. Go well and thank you again xo PrudencePrudencehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14296042437400909930noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-78093357370060137362015-09-28T14:25:42.521-07:002015-09-28T14:25:42.521-07:00Hi Thirsty!
I go back and forth with feeling conne...Hi Thirsty!<br />I go back and forth with feeling connected with people and then not.<br />I need people, but I also need some alone time.<br />I understand how you feel with the bonding over drinking.<br />I am having fun bonding over yoga and coffee and walks!<br />It's different, but I think the thing is to find a tribe of some sort.<br />At least that is what I am trying to find!<br />Hugs!<br />xo<br />WendyUntipsyteacherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14975521042875808241noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-60354850993710817692015-09-28T13:55:40.893-07:002015-09-28T13:55:40.893-07:00Hi Mrs D. Yes, please do. I'm very happy to ha...Hi Mrs D. Yes, please do. I'm very happy to have LS folk as readers. Thanks to you for your ongoing warmth and support! xoxoAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08288935120774241198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8137766683602731513.post-89529831026337990692015-09-28T13:50:01.661-07:002015-09-28T13:50:01.661-07:00ok if I share this very excellent post with others...ok if I share this very excellent post with others in the Members Feed at Living Sober? Your insights are so fantastic.. and I am happy that you are feeling somewhat calm within your busy-ness xxxMrs Dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13110933370498728198noreply@blogger.com