Monday, 16 December 2013

Spa Week returns!

OK, I admit it: my recent attempt at moderation was a crashing failure! I was moderate for a little while, sure. But then I decided I didn't want to restrict myself, and I returned to enthusiastic wine drinking.

I don't recommend it.

It wasn't all bad. I really do like wine, and I'm not prone to hangovers or doing stupid things while drinking.

But it wasn't all great. Here's a list of things that I think are not so great, not in any particular order:

  • My hands hurt. I know that sounds weird. But they do. And they didn't while I was not drinking.
  • I look hungover sometimes. I don't get the killer headaches or whatever people talk about. But I do look a bit hellish some mornings. And on those days, my hands shake as well as hurt.
  • Sweet Jesus, wine costs a lot of money. A lot. At least $100/week. More money than I can afford to spend on it.
  • I am less sure of myself, somehow. This is a big one. When I quit drinking I shed a lot of this kind of insecurity, the "they're probably not interested in what I have to say anyway." Drinking wine, it's back in full force. 
  • I have gained almost five pounds in less than two months.
  • I miss reading at night. After wine, I try, but really I just fall asleep.
  • I don't sleep through the night. Ever. Four AM wakeup, need water, takes an hour to go back to sleep. Same old, same old.
I could go on, and I probably should, but that's the gist. It doesn't sound like a lot of fun after all, does it?

When I was planning to take down the blog altogether, both Lilly and Christy suggested just going quiet for a bit instead. I'm not much of an advice taker, but I'm really glad I took their advice there. Thanks to you both, if you see this.

So I'm making a radical change in direction, again. This is going to be Spa Week, an indulgent week of drinking sparkling water with cranberry, reading mysteries, riding my bike (if the weather holds). And no alcohol. After a week, I'll see what I think. I don't want to commit to anything longer than that. Though even saying that last part sounds a bit silly to me. I'm going to keep blogging after all, because I see how the blog works. You say something out loud, and then if it sounds ridiculous, you have to rethink it.

I know I should maybe have enormous regret about having tried this, but I don't. I had hoped the compulsion to drink too much had faded. One thing is sure: it had not faded. So that's a lesson learned, I think. I'm not sure what's ahead, but continuing to drink too much, or returning to old habits of drinking too much, really isn't what I want to do.

OK, I should make my lunch and head to work. Here's to spa week! And to the many fine people here who are such good encouragers, good enough to encourage a poor listener like me.

Peace and joy.


  1. OMG, thank you so much for this post. I admit I was worried about you when you decided to stop posting- possibly because at Day #48, I am still considering what I will do after this 100 day challenge is up. It is quite possible that I will have an experience similar to yours. As with most quitting-alcohol-related things, it helps sooooo much to hear about others' experience.

    I think being honest about the flubs and false paths is a great public service to the sober blogisphere- and also probably therapeutic for you!

    Welcome back to active duty!!

  2. Thanks, Carrie. Yes, when it didn't go well I thought it would be best to let people know, just so I didn't leave a false impression. I'm glad it helps. I was hoping that stopping thinking about it all might solve things, but no such luck. So yes, I guess it's therapeutic. Thanks for the welcome back. And a big hooray for you on day 48!


  3. I appreciate your honesty. I know that it would work out for me exactly that same way, so it is good to hear it from someone else. thanks for letting us in on your journey. I am glad you decided to keep your blog! -Jen

    1. Thanks, Jen. I really appreciate your comment. You're right, honest is the only way through this, it seems. It's good to read about you doing really well! T

  4. OH!!!! I'm so glad you're here! What a pleasure to see a post from you.

    Here's to spa week! Here's to learning who we are. Here's to you. :)

    1. Thanks so much, Amy. Spa week rocks! And so do you. I'm very pleased you stopped by to say hi. Learning who and learning how, on we go with it.

  5. Hey T, I was happy to see you posting again this week. So glad you decided to keep the blog :D I think it's all part of the process, learning to forge a sober identity ... It's just part of who we are now. We don't have to write about it or think about it every day, but we can't deny or try to stifle that part of us either.

    And plus, I don't know about you, but I change my mind about everything about a thousand times a day. One day I love blogging, one day I hate it and want to delete everything. BUT... I know those days pass, so if I'm having a bad day, I just take a break. I have always wanted to come back after taking a blogging break, and I come back more refreshed each time. I'll even be checking in as RoS this week; I think I'm ready to start writing again over there--I miss it!

    Spa week :D Awesome!

    1. Thanks, Christy. Yes, it sure is a process, and I do change my mind over and over. (Moderation! Sober is great! Sober is all hot air! Blogging sucks, blogging is great. Gah!) But you know, I think good things are happening anyway. I really appreciate your support, and I'll look forward to reading ROS when you return there. Hope you have a great Christmas!