Sunday 12 October 2014

A quick hello at 9 months (plus a few days) sober

The other day I received a kind email from the lovely Amy, recommending a great book, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, by Annie Dillard, and also, I think, checking in to see how I'm doing.  And I realized that I hadn't posted in over a month, and hadn't even responded (yet) to comments on my previous post. So this is just to say hello, in case you follow along here, and you maybe were concerned that I'd gone quiet.

I'm doing great! I'm in school and I am loving the intense intellectual focus of academic work. I am sober and happy and focused and clear-minded. And busy!

I can hardly express how happy I am that I quit drinking. I'm not going to try to catalogue all the reasons here. Thinking clearly is one. Feeling more accurately is another--my feelings aren't as distorted as they used to be, so it's not a problem when things het a bit intense at times, which they do. I really am upbeat and engaged with what I'm doing, even when it's hard and I'm tired and insecure and I don't know if I can do it all in the time I have to do it.

So much of what has often caused me grief, all that worry that used to be so familiar to me in my interactions with other people (Maybe they hate me! Maybe I talk too much! Was that a dumb thing to say?) seems to have just fallen away. No, that's not quite true. Those worries are there, but they don't have the teeth they used to have. They're just little grimaces some days. Some days they're not even there at all. I'm working on this, but it's getting a lot easier. It's all part of the practice.

Drinking isn't much of an issue for me these days. I can casually say, "when I used to drink," in a conversation without drawing much attention to it, and I'm more and more comfortable being open about that. It leads to some interesting conversations, but mostly no one notices. Yes, I occasionally romanticize the allure of a glass of wine or a wee tot of something, but these days that passes pretty quickly. I'm not especially working on being sober, as there's not much work to it just now. I just am sober. And I'm putting my energy into doing things that are interesting and meaningful to me. Life, in other words. I find the whole thing glorious!

(I know some people will worry that if I don't keep being sober front and centre in my life, it will all fall apart. I respectfully disagree. I expect there are many way to do this sober gig. I'm figuring out mine, and for now, it's working for me. So far so good.)

OK, I'd better get back to the massive pile of reading. Wishing you all peace and love and a happy Canadian Thanksgiving.

12 comments:

  1. Good for you. Nine months is awesome. It's so encouraging to hear that life is good and getting better that far down the track. I struggle a bit with the business of doing sober work. I'd rather forget all about it some days

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    1. I'm dead slow to reply here but thanks! Hope things are still going well with you. xo

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  2. Just being. That's the grail, isn't it? I'm working on being relaxed: taking time out, you know, tea, biscuits, quiet. If I do that, sober just happens. For me it's all about stopping the whirring anxiety and frenetic Must Do Everything Now. Alcohol's been a way to deal with that, can't expect much of yourself if you're drunk now can you? Not half as nice as being either peacefully relaxed or meaningfully occupied though. That sounds like you. Go you!

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    1. Hi KT. Sorry to be so slow in responding. I don't think I can pull off just being for very long, but I'll take my moments. It's great to see you're stopping the whirr and doing pretty good. Take care. xo

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  3. great stuff! glad to hear you're doing so well. and the keeping sober front and centre thing - that's up to you. I'm certainly finding that I'm putting so much emotional energy into learning how to handle life sober, and that is very much the focus. which I think is the best way (again, for ME) of keeping myself on this sober path.

    good luck with the studies and the piles of books! Prim xx

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    1. Thanks, Prim. Seems I have to slip in and out of focus but it's no good to stay away too long. Nice of you to be here! xo

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  4. Hey there, so good to hear from you, and glad that life is going busily well :) And congrats on 9 months! I am now 8 months, so am catching you up ;)
    xx

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    1. Thanks, MTM. I hope you never catch me! But what looked like a long time difference months ago now looks like we're pretty much at the same place. How's that for amazing? I'm so glad you're still here too. xo

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  5. Hi Thirsty, I hear you on the whole thing of sober becoming normal. I'm doing the same thing. Just tonight I was home from work, fed the dog, check the tomato plants, started prepping dinner, made dinner, sat down to eat dinner... and only then thought "should I have a soda water with dinner?" Marks a huge change from the days I would come home hanging out for a wine to knock the edge off whatever kind of day it had been. It's liberating, and makes me very grateful. XXX

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    1. Hi Sue. Thanks for your kind words. Sober normal is a relief, isn't it? I do that too, these days, forget to make a special drink. I NEVER thought that would happen. There's a whole new kind of being free in this and I"m figuring it out--with some good company. Take care. xo

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  6. Hi Thirsty, I just had a comment gobbled up by Blogger... so hello, I was here. I hear you about sober becoming the new normal. XXX

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    1. Blogger eats a lot of what I have to say, too, but it liked your comment and decided to leave it for me to see after all Hooray for that! xo

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