I don't recommend it.
It wasn't all bad. I really do like wine, and I'm not prone to hangovers or doing stupid things while drinking.
But it wasn't all great. Here's a list of things that I think are not so great, not in any particular order:
- My hands hurt. I know that sounds weird. But they do. And they didn't while I was not drinking.
- I look hungover sometimes. I don't get the killer headaches or whatever people talk about. But I do look a bit hellish some mornings. And on those days, my hands shake as well as hurt.
- Sweet Jesus, wine costs a lot of money. A lot. At least $100/week. More money than I can afford to spend on it.
- I am less sure of myself, somehow. This is a big one. When I quit drinking I shed a lot of this kind of insecurity, the "they're probably not interested in what I have to say anyway." Drinking wine, it's back in full force.
- I have gained almost five pounds in less than two months.
- I miss reading at night. After wine, I try, but really I just fall asleep.
- I don't sleep through the night. Ever. Four AM wakeup, need water, takes an hour to go back to sleep. Same old, same old.
I could go on, and I probably should, but that's the gist. It doesn't sound like a lot of fun after all, does it?
When I was planning to take down the blog altogether, both Lilly and Christy suggested just going quiet for a bit instead. I'm not much of an advice taker, but I'm really glad I took their advice there. Thanks to you both, if you see this.
So I'm making a radical change in direction, again. This is going to be Spa Week, an indulgent week of drinking sparkling water with cranberry, reading mysteries, riding my bike (if the weather holds). And no alcohol. After a week, I'll see what I think. I don't want to commit to anything longer than that. Though even saying that last part sounds a bit silly to me. I'm going to keep blogging after all, because I see how the blog works. You say something out loud, and then if it sounds ridiculous, you have to rethink it.
I know I should maybe have enormous regret about having tried this, but I don't. I had hoped the compulsion to drink too much had faded. One thing is sure: it had not faded. So that's a lesson learned, I think. I'm not sure what's ahead, but continuing to drink too much, or returning to old habits of drinking too much, really isn't what I want to do.
OK, I should make my lunch and head to work. Here's to spa week! And to the many fine people here who are such good encouragers, good enough to encourage a poor listener like me.
Peace and joy.
T
