Day 18: Tense and weepy

I had a tense and weepy day today. Too many things I didn't want to deal with landed on me all at the same time, and I didn't know what to do. This is the exact kind of thing that would usually send me to a bottle of wine because "I need to relax," and as it was a day off, that would probably have meant wine at lunch, meaning I'd lose the whole day. (Of course, I didn't used to think of drinking wine all day as losing a day. I thought it was an excellent way to spend a day!) Today I absent-mindedly thought of that, but really I had no intention of drinking. Instead I lay around reading a mystery all morning--yes, it's checking out of the world, but I don't think I can go from checking out every evening to 100% present all the time. Later, when my partner came home, I had a good old-fashioned weep. But then I felt better. We made dinner, went for a walk, sat out drinking tea and watching the moon rise, and now off to bed. I'm sober, calm, and all in all pretty darn fine for what started out as a crappy day. So, a lesson in feeling the feeling for me. It might sound banal, but for me, this was an accomplishment.

Sweet dreams out there!

T